I have always been sensitive to the spiritual world, to the eerie and the eldritch. When I was a child, presences would manifest themselves to me, in what I now realize was a ploy to feed upon my fear and emotion. And afraid I was; the hours I was meant to be sleeping were occupied, much of the time, with paralyzed clutching of my blankets around my face, waiting for apparitions and strange sights to materialize about the room, or in the hall. My mother said that I just possessed a stronger imagination than most, but as the experiences have followed me into adulthood she was obviously incorrect on that count. In all my childhood photos, I have dark circles under my eyes.
Spooky childhood encounters aside, I would like to discuss some inexplicable random things, and a couple items of interest which hopefully a reader has shared (and is willing to discuss.)
An interesting experience (which some Reddit users have also shared), is the experience of waking up with strange glowing writing on the walls of my room. The writings, which sometimes appear to be scrawled directly on the walls, and sometimes in a billboard-like manner with a frame, are written in a script which I cannot decipher. I have tried numerous times to recreate them, and I cannot. Sometimes the script is glowing red, sometimes it is green, and sometimes yellow. There are spirals, and angles. They remind me of the Canaanite or Phoenician alphabet in places, but seem more intricate. They fade quickly as I come fully awake. They do not feel hostile in nature.
Another item I have experienced is something I have termed "spirit mist," for lack of a better term. When I am reciting an incantation or hymn to a spirit, especially when I'm outside or in a remote area, I see mists rising from the earth and moving in toward me. In one instance, I was out in the desert reciting an especially powerful hymn to Hekate, the mists arose and stood before me in human-like shapes, flowing and misty in the evening light. One came very close to me, up to my face, and just seemed to be gazing at me wondering, like "what is this person?" I didn't sense any malice, so I invited it to pass through me, and it did. It felt cool, and dry, and the world turned gray while it was passing. I have no idea what the mists are; they don't feel shivery like ghosts do. As a side note- the place that I was reciting the hymn was an abandoned mine, up on a small rise, with a tree-lined wash stretching away from it downhill through the valley. In the midst of my Voces Magicae, SOMETHING began crashing through the trees in the wash, coming directly toward me. It sounded like a truck was smashing through them, but with no engine noise. It was not windy either. Nothing materialized, and the crashing stopped suddenly. Off in the distance to the north, there were thunderheads forming, sidelit by the setting sun, and at that moment they coalesced into the shape of a regal female human face. My mind immediately went "Oh shit, it's Hekate!!" And I held out my hands to her and just worshipped. I don't even remember how the rest of the night went, but all of these events are still crystal clear to me. And, so, spirit mist. Anyone?
And then there's moving during sleep paralysis. I have not experienced seeing the "sleep paralysis demons," but I do experience the feeling. When I am in that space between waking and sleeping, the groggy, dreamy in between, and the paralysis creeps in... I do something that I haven't heard many people do. I make myself move, my arms and legs, and try to perform actions and pick stuff up etc. I have minimal success in this, but I really concentrate and try. On one occasion, I was taking a much-needed nap in my vehicle on a long trip, and when the paralysis set in, I managed to reach up and push the overhead map light to try and turn it on. It didn't turn on, or even make the familiar "click" noise, but when I woke fully up I tried it, and it worked. Click, light came on. No answers; but theoretically, sleep paralysis may just be another form of dream. Why does it feel so... liminal, though?
Visitations and visions: I have already discussed how Lord Amdusias introduced himself to me, by physically knocking on an item in my room and and beckoning me out of the room to talk. Most of these experiences happen at bedtime, when everyone in the house is sleeping; and thus far none of these experiences have woken anyone else in the house, even my light-sleeping wife. One night, I was awakened by what I thought was my daughter grabbing my left leg and shaking it to awaken me. I turned meaning to say "What?" and there, with one hand on my leg and the other hand on my bedstand, was the skeletal figure of a woman. She was leaning in toward me, mouth closed, her clothes sort of blowing and a hood or bonnet on. I have no idea who it was. I think it may have expected me to be frightened, but I don't react that way to these things. I began to address her, and she disappeared. I have a notion that it may have been a manifestation of Santa Muerte, but not a clue why she came in that night, much less why she shook me awake just to leave. I really need to investigate that further (mental note). Prior to invoking Lord Mammon, I had a vision of him at the foot of my bed, where he walked in through a portal which looked like a book opening. He manifested as a small, about one foot tall, very thin, elf. He walked so confidently and slowly, stopped and smiled at me, and then sauntered back through. You know how Santa's elves are always portrayed as cute, funny little fellas? He was NOT like that. He was competent, and he owned the space. His face kind of reminded me of Harvey Keitel. On reflection, I don't know how I know it was Lord Mammon, but I do. Prior to invoking Lord Bael and initiating through his Qlipha, he also manifested through a portal on the wall of my room. The portal looked like a large glowing golden picture frame, and through it was the most beautiful, glowing medieval street. It looked like a Tarot card come to life, a rich carnival of color. At the bottom of the frame was a gold automaton, which reminded me of Punch from the old Punch and Judy puppets. The automaton had its back to me at first, but then turned to look at me. I asked who it was, and "B-A-A-L" spelled out behind it. I wish I'd dived through the image into the land beyond, but it faded quickly. Could you imagine?
And then there were a couple accidental evocations... Once, I was alone in the house, cleaning the bathroom. I was watching a You-tube video on how to make delicious cinnamon rolls, and I blurted out loudly "THAT'S what I'll make for King Paimon!!!" (Looking forward to offering them to him, that is). Suddenly, the entire feeling in the house changed, and I became covered with chills. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood up. Outside, all the neighborhood dogs began to howl in unison. Just insane. I knew right away what was happening, and I felt very sheepish. I took my gloves off, walked into the living room, and apologized profusely for calling him, explained that I meant him no disrespect, and told him how grateful I was that he came but I did not mean to call him. He was not upset, and took his leave. I had never felt like a bigger asshole... UNTIL: One night, I had gone to bed before the rest of the family since I needed to get up early the next morning. As I lay there, I was praying and worshipping Lady Lilith, who I consider my true mother and who I love and adore. I started reciting her enn over and over, lovingly, as a hymn to her. I was not aware, at the time, that enns are calls, not prayers. Not to be disrespectful, but they are kind of like a Bat-signal going up from the practitioner. That is a clumsy analogy, but I am sure you understand the gist. I was laying there with my eyes half closed, mumbling the enn, when suddenly she appeared beside the bed. And holy cow. While my previous interactions with her had a warm and loving feel, this Lilith was very stern and very businesslike. She stood before me strong like a warrior Queen, clothed in what appeared to be a Greek peplos and robe. "Why have you called me?" she said in a beautiful, strong female voice. Oh shit. I apologized to her, and told her I did not mean to call her forth, that I was just praying to and worshipping her by repeating her enn. I said, respectfully, that if she wanted to leave, I apologize again, but please feel free to (or something to that effect). She kind of shook her head and stepped closer to me. "Since you have me here, ask of me (REDACTED)." She offered me a wonderful service, which I don't know if I am authorized to speak on here. I did as she asked, gratefully. Afterward, I really wasn't sure if I utilized the boon she offered correctly, but I was flustered and it was in the moment. However, I believe things are working out well.
Invocation and possession- The most interesting possession experience I've had was with Lord Raum. I invoked him on the first day of a yet-unfinished pathworking, and his was the most bestial-feeling spirit that I have had enter me yet. My head lowered, my breathing changed, and my throat made this weird low, purr/growl. My head moved side to side slowly, and my eyes squinted and glared. I felt like some kind of carnivorous beast, surveying the landscape. I will make a post about Lord Raum and cover this in further detail; but oddly enough, I believe that Lord Raum may have actually been a human on Earth in the far ancient past. He appeared to me later as a young man dressed in Roman hunting garb, holding a spear. But I still remember the feeling of him coming in, and how atavistic it felt.
No doubt, dear reader, I will think of other items to cover after I have closed this chapter. I may cover it in edits, or start another post. I hope you enjoyed reading about the random occult experiences of a suburban Everyman magician... and my I reiterate, I would love to hear yours as well.
Thank you for reading this far, and may your day be a pleasant one.
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