Monday, September 28, 2020. On this date, once again, I allowed myself to get caught up in busy work, futzing and fudging around until it was nearly 3 a.m. before I began the ritual. In retrospect, part of the issue was that I felt a certain amount of guilt over not fulfilling my workout guidelines. I had missed several of my mile-a-day runs, and had not done all of the prescribed push-ups either. Why? I don't know. I probably had an excuse or two at the time, but in the end, I knew deep down that I could have made time to accomplish all of these goals. Any piddly excuse I may have had was rendered moot by the realization that I was being a piece of shit, and not fulfilling my discipleship.
And, on top of all this, I was experiencing a little bit of an existential crisis, wondering what the point of it all was. Why was I chosen, and to what end? How could I, with all my failings, fulfill any greater purpose, let alone that which I was tasked? With all this in the back of my mind, I made all of the preliminary preparations, and threw myself into the ritual. Lord Azazel was not happy.
I have come. Why are you invoking me so late? (I tried to stammer out an excuse, but he cut me short.)
This is important! Listen. You need to get going on your training. You have indeed slacked off, and you know this.
Please move on this, keep moving. To falter is to fail and failure is death.
(At this point, I bowed my head and vented my frustrations, the questions that I had concerning the purpose of all of this. I don't remember everything I said, but Lord Azazel waited until I had finished, then spoke in a more kindly tone.)
The purpose is YOU. You must become the best man, the best person, you can be before the hard times come. You must survive to carry the knowledge to the generations to come, who will be lost without it; a people destitute of hope, robbed of knowledge.
We will be by your side constantly, and will guide and protect you; and your part, that which you must uphold, is the bringing of knowledge and the teachings of the Gods.
Keep to the Path, do not neglect your practices.
(At this point, I mentioned I was frustrated by my weight, and asked him for his advice on how to lose it more quickly. His advice was blunt and to the point.)
Move more, eat less. (there was a pause, then he laughed his short, loud laugh as before.) We will aid you. You have the stamina within you to perform all that is necessary, not only to succeed, but to become adept. Warrior/Magician is your calling. Never give up; call upon us, the Gods, when you falter, and we will not let you fall.
Will you fill me with your power?
Yes, I will. Meditate, and it will come.
(Here he paused, as if listening to something.)
We must end now.
(Whereas before his presence had always ebbed from me and the the chamber, flowing out; this time, it just disappeared. ZIP. Shortly thereafter, there was a knock at the door, and I left to deal with the visitor.)
Notes:
I just remembered something that made me smile. On Day 2, when Lord Azazel gave me the running and push-up regimen, he would not let me go until I had knocked out 10 pushups right there in the circle. Like, "drop and give me 10!!" Sadly, they were the first push-ups I had done in a long time, but I did them. Then I laid there in the circle, wondering if anyone else had ever been instructed to do such a thing in ritual. Is this a pathworking, or a boot camp?
Another funny thing I remember, when I was just getting started on the running portion, the familiar spirit that Lord Azazel sent me (whose name I will keep private) was acting as my run coach. As I neared the last quarter mile, he urged me to pick up the pace, and kick it out as fast as I could to the end (which was the stop sign at the end of the street). My shins were hurting but I did it anyway, just pounding through the pain. As I picked up speed, he yelled encouraging things like "I knew you could do it! Keep going! Just a little more!" and when I crossed the line, he began to sing the Rush song "Tom Sawyer" to me, "Enter the Warrior, today's Tom Sawyer..." etc. I thought it was hilarious. I hadn't thought of that song in years.
Anyway. After this day's ritual, I tightened up and did my runs and exercises, dare I say it... religiously.
Thank you for reading, O Reader! I really appreciate it, and truly hope that the remainder of your day is a pleasant one.
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