Invocation of Azazel- Answering the Call (Day 5)

 Monday, September 28, 2020.  On this date, once again, I allowed myself to get caught up in busy work, futzing and fudging around until it was nearly 3 a.m. before I began the ritual.  In retrospect, part of the issue was that I felt a certain amount of guilt over not fulfilling my workout guidelines.  I had missed several of my mile-a-day runs, and had not done all of the prescribed push-ups either.  Why?  I don't know.  I probably had an excuse or two at the time, but in the end, I knew deep down that I could have made time to accomplish all of these goals.  Any piddly excuse I may have had was rendered moot by the realization that I was being a piece of shit, and not fulfilling my discipleship.  

And, on top of all this, I was experiencing a little bit of an existential crisis, wondering what the point of it all was.  Why was I chosen, and to what end? How could I, with all my failings, fulfill any greater purpose, let alone that which I was tasked? With all this in the back of my mind, I made all of the preliminary preparations, and threw myself into the ritual.  Lord Azazel was not happy.

I have come.  Why are you invoking me so late?  (I tried to stammer out an excuse, but he cut me short.)

This is important!  Listen. You need to get going on your training.  You have indeed slacked off, and you know this.

Please move on this, keep moving.  To falter is to fail and failure is death.

(At this point, I bowed my head and vented my frustrations, the questions that I had concerning the purpose of all of this.  I don't remember everything I said, but Lord Azazel waited until I had finished, then spoke in a more kindly tone.)

The purpose is YOU.  You must become the best man, the best person, you can be before the hard times come.  You must survive to carry the knowledge to the generations to come, who will be lost without it; a people destitute of hope, robbed of knowledge.

We will be by your side constantly, and will guide and protect you; and your part, that which you must uphold, is the bringing of knowledge and the teachings of the Gods.

Keep to the Path, do not neglect your practices.

(At this point, I mentioned I was frustrated by my weight, and asked him for his advice on how to lose it more quickly.  His advice was blunt and to the point.)

Move more, eat less.  (there was a pause, then he laughed his short, loud laugh as before.)  We will aid you.  You have the stamina within you to perform all that is necessary, not only to succeed, but to become adept.  Warrior/Magician is your calling. Never give up; call upon us, the Gods, when you falter, and we will not let you fall.

Will you fill me with your power?

Yes, I will. Meditate, and it will come.

(Here he paused, as if listening to something.)  

We must end now.

(Whereas before his presence had always ebbed from me and the the chamber, flowing out; this time, it just disappeared. ZIP.  Shortly thereafter, there was a knock at the door, and I left to deal with the visitor.)

Notes:

I just remembered something that made me smile.  On Day 2, when Lord Azazel gave me the running and push-up regimen, he would not let me go until I had knocked out 10 pushups right there in the circle. Like, "drop and give me 10!!"  Sadly, they were the first push-ups I had done in a long time, but I did them.  Then I laid there in the circle, wondering if anyone else had ever been instructed to do such a thing in ritual.  Is this a pathworking, or a boot camp? 

Another funny thing I remember, when I was just getting started on the running portion, the familiar spirit that Lord Azazel sent me (whose name I will keep private) was acting as my run coach.  As I neared the last quarter mile, he urged me to pick up the pace, and kick it out as fast as I could to the end (which was the stop sign at the end of the street).  My shins were hurting but I did it anyway, just pounding through the pain. As I picked up speed, he yelled encouraging things like "I knew you could do it! Keep going! Just a little more!"  and when I crossed the line, he began to sing the Rush song "Tom Sawyer" to me, "Enter the Warrior, today's Tom Sawyer..." etc.  I thought it was hilarious. I hadn't thought of that song in years.

Anyway.  After this day's ritual, I tightened up and did my runs and exercises, dare I say it... religiously. 

Thank you for reading, O Reader!  I really appreciate it, and truly hope that the remainder of your day is a pleasant one.

Invocation of Azazel- Answering the Call (Day 4)

Monday, September 21, 2020.

On this date, I was caught up in several duties and could not perform the invocation until quite late, around 2 a.m. or so.   As my opportunity drew nearer, the spirit of Azazel surrounded me heavily.  As I walked, it weighed me down, oppressive, not menacing, but urgent.  So urgent.  As I prepared the ritual and entered it, the Behemoth song "Alas, Lord is upon me" came to my mind, as Lord Azazel was truly upon me, crushing me down, giving me the classic "lump in my throat" feeling.  As I spoke the words of the ritual, the feeling dissipated, leaving me with a feeling of vertigo as I crossed the veil.  

(I must warn you now- this was the darkest and saddest of all our interactions thus far.  I was, am, so conflicted about this message that it has obviously taken me a few weeks to post it here.)

I have come to tell you of several things.  Listen and you will know.

The end of days is near.

You will be spared the misery and pain but many others will perish.

You have been called to perform duties for the Master; these duties will require great sacrifice.

Do not be afraid, and do not falter in the performance of these duties.

Can you tell me what these duties will be, Lord Azazel?

You will know them when you are called to them.

Will the duties affect my family, my loved ones?

They may affect your family.  At that time, however, this will not be a great issue.  You will see.

(At this statement, my mind began to spin into conjecture, but I controlled myself and asked:) Will my loved ones die, then?

(Throughout, Lord Azazel spoke in a measured, matter-of-fact tone.  It may seem, from the terseness of his statements, that he was saying these things in an off-hand manner, but I assure you it did not present like that at all.  He took a few seconds before replying.)

Perhaps.  Many will be dead.  You will understand sooner than most.

Your role is Warrior/Priest, Warrior/Magician.  The Gods are always with you; they will guide and comfort you.  Do not be sad, hearken to the voice within you.

(I sat for a while in contemplation, listening to the voice within me.  Then I spoke the words out loud.)

I accept.

Good. You really haven't any choice, (here he laughed, a short, loud sound).

Can you offer me any comfort?

Yes.  You will find happiness. Your lineage will live on, in tales of greatness.

Lord Azazel, in all honesty, the things you are saying frighten me a little.

Of course they frighten you. Who would not be afraid, faced with such a prospect?  You must persevere, hang on, be strong to the end of the hard times. You are my ward, and I will keep you and lift you up.

Lord Azazel, the last time we spoke, I meant to ask you for dietary advice, to supplement my training.

Stay away from legumes.  Stay away from pork; less of beef, more of fowl.  Do not stuff yourself.  Drink water, drink wine.  Breads are fine, but not sugary ones.  

Maintain your fitness.  

Are there any other exercises you recommend?

Pull yourself up.  Do this as well as you can.  Your running is better, keep it up.

Is hiking (an area near me) a good thing as well?

Hike no more than three times a week, but run every day.  Move forward with your running and exercising, do not neglect meditation, no not neglect prayer and ritual. 

Be a magician. Keep your practices.

Do not forget that you are a warrior.

Notes:   

This invocation left me with a feeling of deep sadness.  I wish I could come up with some comforting words, but I really can't find any.  However, I will say this.

On my desk, I keep a fossil of a trilobite, Order Phacopida, suborder Calyminina.  This particular little (9 cm) guy crawled around the oceans of a world which, when he was alive about 450 million years ago, looked completely different than the Earth we live on today.  None of the continents that we live on existed; in fact, much of the land we walk on today was underwater then.  

This weird little alien guy, who looks like a cross between a shrimp and a pillbug, did share one thing in common with human beings at that time.  Life.  He lived, and walked, and ate, and mated, and eventually perished as all living things eventually do.  He, and all of his cousins and distant relatives no longer exist on this planet in any form.  The last of the species went extinct over 250 million years ago. 

As I hold the little guy in my hand, I can see that some of his little back plates are ruffled up.  I wonder if this happened post-mortem, as he rolled along the in the currents of some primordial sea, or if this was something that trilobites could do, as some sort of  ritual of aggression or reproduction.  I will never know, however, because in the natural order of things, they passed from existence millions of years ago, and no one will ever see one of them alive.

All to say, this little guy puts the possibility of a truncated timeline of human existence into sharp perspective.   This is not to say that I want humanity to end, absolutely not.  I want humanity to survive, and thrive, and continue to evolve to the very pinnacle that nature and existence can endure.

However, I will not deceive myself into believing that the age of Men can continue into Eternity.

...On another note- legumes?     

Thank you for reading thus far, and may your day be a pleasant one.

 

My little extinct buddy.